


Just a Dream

by timeloop



Category: The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Hallucinations, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:28:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2044293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeloop/pseuds/timeloop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reality is too much for Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying something new, please tell me if I forgot to tag anything.

As Steve pulled the blanket up over himself, he tried very hard not to think about how the other side of the bed was empty and still.

He closed his eyes hoping the dreams wouldn’t return. To have to go through it every single night was exhausting, especially when there was nothing left for him to hold onto when he returned to reality.

It was one of those dreams where you felt like you were falling, only to wake up with a jerk, and Steve could feel it, he was falling, down and down he went, nothing surrounded him but a black void of despair and misery and he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes, all he wanted to do was fall —but a firm pair of arms was holding him now, refusing to let him have his way.

“Let me go,” he muttered.

“Command not recognized. Primary command still in effect.”

“Fuck off.”

“Command not recognized. Primary command still in effect.”

“I _said,_ let me –”

“Well, someone’s pissed today. Weren’t you the one who called me up for training?”

At the same time that he had heard the reply, his feet had touched the ground and Steve shoved the remote controlled armour away, racing towards the control booth where Tony usually sat to manipulate his armours.

Refusing to wait for the door to click open, he ripped it out of the sliding mechanism and set it aside, refusing to believe his eyes as Tony stood there, _alive_ , in front of him. Seemingly oblivious to Steve’s presence behind him, Tony was busy adjusting some graphs projected on the screen to his right. For a man that worked mostly with robots and mechanics, there was a fluidity and grace to his movements that made him amazingto watch. As soon as he was done with the graphs, he pulled up some new screens with data running all over them without missing a single beat, moving to an invisible pattern that only he could see.

Steve ignored the pounding in his ears and the sudden ache in his heart at the familiar sight as he whispered with bated breath, “Tony?”

“Just a second darling, I’m finishing up the – holy shit, my door!”

Steve took two tentative steps into the control booth, staring at him for just a second more before reaching his hands out for Tony’s outstretched one that was pointing at the door. Rubbing his cheek against the palm of Tony’s hand, he revelled in the warmth for a moment. Ignoring the ‘Um, Steve?', he dropped his head and rested it on the crook between Tony’s neck and shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent that he had missed _so much_.

“Don’t go,” he mumbled as he moved lower and pressed his face closer into Tony’s chest, his hands unknowingly gripping Tony’s shirt tighter as he pulled the man closer.

“Don’t go, Tony. I – just don’t _go_.”

“Whoa, you’re awfully clingy today,” Tony was saying in an amused voice. When there was no response, he rested his chin on Steve’s head and started stroking the back of his neck, making his voice was more soft and gentle as he asked, “You alright, sweetheart?”

When Steve remained silent and shook his head profusely, he was given a kiss on the forehead before being asked, “Talk to me?”

He was certain that his voice was breaking as he whispered, “Please, Tony, _please –_ I can’t do this without you. I’m going crazy – This is real isn't it? Tell me you're really –”

Instead of saying anything, all Tony did was rub his back in long smooth strokes, the warmth of his hands sending sparks through Steve, causing him to shudder. After a few minutes he felt them moving back slowly out of the control booth into the nearest elevator without Tony loosening his hold on Steve. He swallowed hard, the swell of emotions within him threatening to spill over because he was just so _thankful_ that Tony knew even without him saying a single word how much he needed to just be held.

They must have looked ridiculous, with Steve refusing to lose his position safe in Tony’s arms, and Tony just accepting it for what it was without question.

The journey from the elevator was a blur, and it wasn’t until he felt himself being pushed onto something soft that he realised they were in Tony’s room. Finally relinquishing his grip on the fabric that was now crumpled beyond recognition, Steve looked up at Tony who had taken a step back but who still left a hand on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

There was a small frown on the brunet’s face, like he was trying to solve an equation that he didn’t have all the variables to. Usually, Steve would make a joke about how he wasn’t some problem to solve whenever Tony looked at him all serious like that, then Tony would make some witty reply that usually contained an innuendo, and it would go back and forth till they were both laughing.

However, this time he shut his eyes tight and tilted his head up while parting his lips slightly, hoping that Tony would take the hint.

He wasn’t disappointed.

The goatee was rough and scratchy against his skin, but Tony’s lips were unbearably tender and soft, and Steve just – he just missed this _so much_ that he couldn’t control himself and he pulled the other man down on top of him. Being pressed into the bed by Tony’s weight again was a wonderful sensation, and Steve could feel his throat closing up as he held onto Tony’s arms, gripping them with an awful amount of strength he normally wouldn’t use. The sheer familiarity and comfort of having the feel of Tony envelop him caused a rush of emotion within him, and he couldn’t help it as tears began to fall.

“Steve –” he could hear Tony saying as he felt his body start to shake uncontrollably “— what’s wrong?”

There was a few minutes where Steve felt nothing but an icy chill as Tony got off him so he could take a proper look, before he was gently tugged up into a sitting position. As Tony used his thumbs to swipe the tears off Steve’s face, he tilted his head to the right and leaned into the touch, giving a soft sigh.

“Hey. You’re –” whatever Tony wanted to say was cut off by a yawn, and this caused Steve to look up at him in surprise. It took him a second to notice the dark circles and bloodshot eyes on Tony’s face as he was given a strained smile, so he cleared his throat and said as steadily as he could, “When’s the last time you slept?”

“What? That’s not – that’s not important right now. I think you should be telling me why you started tearing up as we were kissing? I mean, I know I haven’t kissed you in a while, but it can’t be so terrible that it would bring you to tears – was it? Great, you’re doing the staring thing again, can you not, you know it freaks me out when you do that?”

Lifting up a hand, Steve traced a line down Tony’s jaw, until he reached Tony’s chin. Lifting it up gently, he made sure he had his full attention before saying, “I love you. I’ve never told you that before even though you deserve to know it every single day of your life. There are so many things I want to say to you, but they’re never going to be enough. And now I can’t. I’m sorry, Tony. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you died. That you had to go through it alone. I would never have left if I had known –”

At this point, Tony’s eyes were blown wide with shock – or horror, Steve wasn’t sure – and he took a deep breath before taking Steve’s hands into his.

“Steve, I’m fine. Look at me. I’m right here. Let’s go to bed, alright? I don’t – We both look like we need some sleep.”

Letting Tony push him to the other side of the bed, he lay down on his side so that he could drink in every bit of Tony that he could, immediately linking their fingers together when the other man also laid down.

“I’ll be here in the morning.”

“Promise me that.”

“You have my word.”

With that, Steve closed his eyes.

__________________________________________

“Morning, Sam.”

“Hey.”

There was a second of silence as her eyes swept over the room.

“Where’s Steve?”

“I’m guessing he’s still in his room. He hasn’t been waking early ever since Tony – Well –”

She gave him a look of understanding.

“I’m going to wake him. This isn’t working out.”

“Natasha. We’ve already tried—”

Sam gave a huff of frustration as he watched her retreating back, and he was taking a sip of his coffee when his communicator sounded.

Natasha’s voice streamed over, only slightly shaky as she said, “Get Banner _now._ I can’t feel a pulse.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try writing something sad, I hope I succeeded.
> 
> Feel free to talk to me on my [tumblr](http://timeloopin221b.tumblr.com/).


End file.
